A Leap of Faith

對於魚子醬跟鳳梨酥來說，去美國進修的意義遠遠不僅於念書修學位，而是一個對於自己的生命的挑戰和期望。對一對三十歲的小夫婦（羞）而言，放下前途似錦的工作以及成家的重責大任離鄉背井到美國當刻苦的留學生是一個很難理解的選擇，家人的反對，同事的質疑，老闆的無法理解，都是一再的挑戰著當初的那個單純理想和衝動，到底未來的未知可能跟你現有的成果如何取捨，如何權衡？魚子醬深刻的體會到當你擁有的越多，你就越難放下。然而工作可以再找，錢可以再賺，你的人生不能重來。也只有在取捨的當下你才真正知道生命中最珍貴的不是帳戶裡的數字(但還是蠻重要的)，或是好車好房(我其實都沒有啦)，而是那些能夠理解你的理想並願意支持鼓勵你的人。

在決定申請ALLEX獎學金之前，(在做過數學計算以及評估過後續的價值之後)也想過無數的負面理由跟最壞狀況，萬一如果是最常出現在腦海裡的詞。 但是總是會問自己難道真的連應付這些狀況的能力都沒有嗎？這不就是挑戰的第一步嗎？挑戰的第一步就是克服對未知的恐懼，相信自己有能力面對未知的挑戰，而不放棄。 美國人有句話說，Take a leap of Faith。不是矇著眼跳，而是相信自己的大步跨出去。

For Caviar and Pineapple Cake, going to the US is not just about getting a degree. It's about a challenge to ourself outside of our comfort zone and see what's out there for us to find. It sounds vague and ambiguous and uncertain altogether. And quitting good jobs and your responsibility to your family and become an international student just doesn't sound right to most of the people around you. Your parents think you are being unrealistic, your colleagues think you are crazy and your boss thinks you are just stupid. All these questions challenge your determination and that naive passion of yours to grow. How do you measure between a possibility in the future and what you have already achieved and let it go? Caviar realized that the more you own, physically and mentally, the less you can let go and move on. But you can always find a new job, you can always make money if you work hard yet you can't relive your life again. And only at the moment of deciding what to keep and what to let go will you realize that the most important things in your life is not the number in your bank account (Although it would be nice to have a lot of them), nor a fancy sports car or big house (Not that I have either of them, ha), but the people that understand you and support you to pursuit your goals.

Before Caviar decided to go for the ALLEX program, often the thoughts of all possible worst cases and negatives clouds my mind and "What if" was always what drives a person mad. But if you come to think of it, isn't that the first step of the challenge even before you decide to take the challenge? The first step is to conquer the fear to the unknown, and believing in yourself that you can face all the uncertainty and never give up. As the saying goes, take a leap of faith. Not blind faith though, but with the faith in yourself.

三十而立？或是三十起而尋？Find your standpoint at the age of 30? or the right time to start looking for it?

子曰：三十而立。這句話對於三十歲的魚子醬跟鳳梨酥來說別有一番意義。出生於小康家庭，自小過著不虞匱乏的生活，也順著期望的畢業於國立大學英文系，在竹科工作，並時常出遊各國。對許多人來說，這樣的人生雖不到令人稱羨，但也該算是一個很好的人生立足點。然而， 對於魚子醬來說，而立之年的來臨卻激起了對自己的人生歷程的反思，自己已經確定了人生方向了嗎？十年之後真的可以不惑嗎？這些八股的老儒家觀念在這個價值觀變動快速的社會裡卻顯得格外的令人省思， 因此也令自小在台灣長大的魚子醬起心動念想要繼續進修自己，給自己更多的機會找到可以四十而不惑的立足點。

去美國，這是第一個直覺的念頭，魚子醬跟鳳梨酥的的英文都不錯，工作六年也都一直持續的在用英文，應該沒問題吧！現在回想起來，當初的這個簡單念頭外加一點天真的衝動讓我們在短短一年後走在圓夢的路上，也不知是天助自助者還是傻人有傻福。

但是怎麼去是個問題，再怎麼說念研究所也是一筆可觀的花費，竹科的薪水也沒有多到可以讓人一擲千金不手軟的程度(是真的)，已婚的三十歲七年級生再怎麼說也不可以跟家人伸手要錢啊！獎學金！又是一個很簡單念頭加上傻勁般的衝動讓魚子醬跟鳳梨酥來到了美國中西部的熱情土地！

以下就是我們在而立之年放下安逸的一切前往美國逐夢的故事，希望對於也是在抉擇的關頭的你/妳能夠有點有點幫助！


Confucius said: At 30, I stood firm; At 40, I had no doubts. Firm at a standpoint of his life progress and attainments, no doubt as he excelled in his knowledge and wisdom through the 10 years from the standpoint he had chosen. It is a significant age for both Caviar and Pineapple Cake at the age of 30. Both born in middle class family with well provided childhood. Both graduated in prestigious university majoring in English and got decent jobs in the IT industry in Taiwan with promising career path. To many people we may not have life that's envious but certainly it is somewhat a standpoint in life to continue on. Yet for Caviar the age of 30 was a wakeup call to review and contemplate on his life that passed. Is he ready at his current standpoint to stand firm for the coming 10 years? Is he on the path of his own will or has he simply followed the path that laid before him? The classical Chinese teaching pushed him to get out of his comfort zone and explore the opportunities that are still there to seek.